Hire Me to Write For You
Copywriting is seduction.
So is comedy.
The power behind comedy is kind of incredible if you think about it.
It can transform the tension in the room to laugher. It can turn a commercial—often considered an annoying intrusion—into something fun. It can completely change the way you think of someone. Or something.
But it’s not just about being funny. It’s also about being conversational. About having a personality. About telling a story. (And a funny one, at that.)
It’s charisma. It’s honesty, openness, and wit. It’s pure seduction.
And isn’t that what marketing’s really all about?
Laughter makes us feel—even if for a split second—pretty dang happy. Like life’s perhaps not as gosh darn serious as we sometimes make it out to be.
Laughter makes us feel good.
And if your blog posts, or newsletters, or videos can make us laugh? They will make us feel good.
And we’ll remember you for that. We’ll like you for that. And we’ll want to buy from you.
And that’s how you win hearts and minds.
And there’s nothing wrong with that.
It’s not trickery. It’s not soulless selling. It’s being upfront and honest yet unpredictable and delightful all at the same time.
Here’s where you’ll find it handy to use writing with personality and a dash of humor at your company:
- Internal communications such as speeches for meetings or events, quarterly reports, pitches, important emails, workshop material, and company newsletters;
- Automated text such as shipping email text, order confirmation email text, thank you notes, any printed information contained in packages;
- Email newsletters that actually offer your customer something special instead of the soul-sucking “here’s what’s going on with us!”;
- Blog posts that actually serve a purpose and are entertaining;
Lots o’ reasons.
1. My OCD-like tendencies = bad for my sanity, but good for you.
I’m in love with Trello and Evernote and calendars and checklists and honestly my real dream job might just be organizing huge amounts of data.
What’s that mean for you? No missed deadlines, no typos, no grammatical errors, and pure and simple organization, which is a huge turn on for me. And I hope it is for you too. Because it makes business go much more smoothly and I JUST LOVE FRESH OFFICE SUPPLIES.
And oh yes, you better believe I have a system. You’re gonna love it.
2. Balls of steel.
Marketing isn’t shy and I’m not either. Let’s say what needs to be said and be done with it. Not just in your marketing, in which your message needs to be crystal clear, but also in our communications with each other, in which we’ll both flourish if we’re honest. We’re going to be moving fast and with quick wit, too, so buckle your seatbelt.
3. Genuine idiocy.
But—hear me out—I’m the smart kind of idiot who knows that a good sense of humor actually equals intelligence.
When I say I’m an idiot I mean that I’m openminded and playful when it comes to communicating with words. I’m open to being silly. I thrive on ridiculousness. If we can fit the foolishness into your marketing without sacrificing clarity or authority then we’re gonna do it, by golly.
4. Top notch writing.
Here’s what makes my copy so special:
- No-nonsense. As Robert Southey puts it, “Be brief; for it is with words as with sunbeams, the more they are condensed the deeper they burn.” And your customers will feel the burn.
- No jargon. What’s the point of having a super cool (perhaps somewhat complicated) idea if you can’t communicate it? Customers usually don’t like to feel stupid, so we need to make sure your site’s copy is simple and free of technical jargon.
- Personality. I’m a person, you’re a person. I’m willing to bet your next customer is a person, too–so let’s act like it. Let’s really talk to each other, like with words people actually use. None of this faceless, corporate language nonsense. Because talking to your customers like they’re actual people will leave them feeling like you just get them.
Truth is, I’m good at being conversational. I’m good at gauging how my words—how even the tiniest nuances in syntax—have a very specific, intentional effect on my reader. I’m good at sounding smart and injecting jargon when I need to and I’m good at translating big ideas into simpler terms when I need to. I love grammar and I know the rules. And I’m not afraid to break them when I know it’ll rouse my reader.
My Copy Brings All the Best Business Owners to the Yard
Here’s how Roxie, co-owner of Frostbeard Studio feels about me, and gosh does she know how to make a gal blush:
HERE’S WHAT I DO
Pretty much all that stuff mentioned above under WHY USE COMEDY. Here are my specialty services.
|Website pages, ads, email newsletters, and more.||Blog posts the search engines will love. But more importantly—the people will love.||Traditionally boring, but don't have to be. Let's break the mold.|
|For YouTube, Vine, Instagram, your own vlog, or actual TV.||Leave 'em cheering and chanting your name. (A dash of humor might help.)||Send me your fixer-uppers. We can even throw a few fresh jokes in there.|
And here are some things I don’t do:
- graphic/web design work
- voiceovers/acting for video skits
- back-end publishing/web development
- speak at events
- offer in-person trainings/workshops (at least not yet!)
Not sure about whether or not I can help you on a certain project? Just ask!
HOW MUCH DO I COST?
I wish I could just jump through your screen RIGHT NOW and let you know exactly how much that project you’ve been thinking about getting done will cost. I really wish I could.
But alas, writing is a wild and unruly thing. It’s impossible to say until I know what you need.
(And can we all agree that the answer “it depends” when someone asks how much something costs is THE most annoying thing in the world? What a giant waste of everyone’s time.)
So although there’s no way for me to know for sure how much your project will cost without being able to read your mind, I’ll do my best to give you a few cues.
Sample of Pricing
A page of copy costs anywhere from $150 for main pages like your About page, Services pages—usually anything in your nav bar; to $200 for home and landing pages. Product descriptions are usually $30 each, while shorter pages (less than 500 words) cost around $50-$75.
For Blog Copywriting
You can expect a blog post to run anywhere from $50 for per 500 words for straightforward topics to $100 per 500 words for topics requiring more time and research or pieces that need more than your average bit of humor.
Does That Help?
While this is definitely not an exhaustive list of my services and while I’m not guaranteeing these will be the exact prices you’ll be quoted, they’re very good estimates. I’m hoping this info can help you figure out whether or not it’s realistic for us to work together.
Still not sure how my pricing might look for your particular project? Don’t sweat it—just ask. I’ve got no problem whipping up a quick quote for you and can usually do so within 24 hours.
GET IN TOUCH
What if we ended up being each other’s new favorite person? Could you imagine?
I could save you so much time and energy. And help you win hearts and minds.
And in exchange? You’d be giving me the opportunity to do the work I love. I love working with words and working with my clients to make words do cool things.
When you and I and the words all click—that’s the sweet spot I live for.
So that project you’ve had bouncing around in your head lately? Let’s talk about it.